New #39: Tarot Card Reading

Psychics are pretty cool. I love the idea of a clairvoyant tapping into my deepest soul to tell me about who I really am -- all while I ponder the mystery of whether it's real or not ... then wonder if they just heard me think that. Last weekend I got to deal with many mediums while covering the Loveland holistic fair, which was pretty much a pow-wow for psychics. I decided to join in the fun and get a reading myself, opting for a tarot card reading.

I stalked each booth and psychic, trying to feel if any were right for me. After a few laps, with my own psychic powers tingling, I picked out my clairvoyant. I didn't see her name, but I liked her long red hair -- and the fact she didn't look crazy. Always a plus ... or so I thought.

After sitting down, she asked me what question I wanted answered. I hadn't really thought that far ahead. Although there are many changes making their way into my life, I opted for the most exciting prospect in my future to focus on -- which is the possibility of moving to Brazil. However, I didn't tell this to her. Should I have? I don't really know psychic etiquette. Do I have to spell it out for them? Or aren't they already supposed to know? I just said I'm facing some crossroads in my life, which she said is happening for everyone right now. How mystical.

After a little chit chat, the medium started playing with the colorful tarot cards. I was asked to pick a few out, which she then placed in some order on the table. Apparently this was mapping the spiritual path ahead of me. The cards' designs just looked like random people and objects to me, but supposedly my psychic could decipher it all to tell me my future.

With the cards in place, she began my reading. Sadly, it quickly became apparent how powerless her psychic powers really were.

To start, she told me I need to be more self-disciplined. Hmm. That's not really a problem for me one bit (which should be proof through my dedication to this new year's resolution).

Then she started going into my family, that I need to quit rebelling against them and just accept they will always have an impact on my life. OK... Anyone who knows me can vouch this totally does not apply. Me and my family are pretty tight. No rebelling for Sarah.

Next came the kicker. This woman looked me in the face and told me "You need to quit relying on your blond hair and blue eyes, and start backing up your work." Wow. Bitch. She basically just told me I can't keep skating by on my looks and need to learn how to be a better reporter. Once again, this is not a problem that remotely applies to me. At all.

By now I knew my $10 was a sacrifice to the trying-something-new gods, because a new experience was all I was gaining from this reading. It's not like she was saying vague things that might somehow apply to me. No, she was giving me pretty specific ideas that were actually completely opposite of who I am. (Trust me, I confirmed this with my friends/family/husband, who assured me I'm not just lying to myself about these traits). Among my other favorite pointers were that "I need to be less solitaire" (hello, how much more does this social butterfly need to spread her wings?), and that "I'm probably looking for a husband" (Umm, did her psychic powers override her common sense to look at my ring finger?).

After each deep thought, she would eagerly look at me, expecting me to cry out with enlightenment or something. Again, what is the proper psychic etiquette here? Do I tell her she's completely wrong? I decided to just go with it and kind of nodded with each reading and suggestion.

I left with my wallet $10 lighter, and the parting wisdom that, I shit you not, "Next spring something might change ... or might not."

Here's my own psychic reading: I can look into the future and see myself never seeking a tarot card reading again - at least from that woman.